Shift Your Perceptions
There are 3 ways our perceptions can fool (and short-change) ourselves entering into a new experience or relationship.
“I’ve been burned before in relationships; I’m just going to get hurt again”
“My new boss had no interest in talking to me today; she was so bored and distant”
“I was right about this part of town; all I see are a bunch of snobs and status-seekers”
The posture of “won’t do that again” is when old memories are triggered if a new situation seems similar. Old memories act as filters, creating a distorted perception, and promotes our assumption that since something happened a certain way it will happen the same way again, but our emotional self is acting on bad intelligence.
This not only keeps us from enjoying a new experience, it also creates self-fulfilling prophesies – where we perceive that someone or something is threatening, causing us to react to a situation poorly, perhaps suspiciously or aggressively. In turn the innocent party now feels misunderstood, and responds in kind to us. We can then feel justified even though we singlehandedly created the incident.
What you could ask yourself:
• How does it benefit me to keep turning my present moments into a rerun of my past?
• How much of my stress comes not from my environment, but from my interpretation of it?
Knee-jerk reactions happen when taking in only partial information about a new situation, causing you to easily misinterpret the present moment. When we are overly absorbed in our own wants, needs, anxiety or depression, our limited perception causes us to shut out an awareness of what is going on with other people. We interpret other people’s fearful behavior as being distant, or attempts at setting boundaries as being selfish and rejecting. We bring ourselves much pain when a greater sphere of awareness could bring us peace of mind.
Rather than seizing the first, limited possibility, you could ask:
• Am I too attached to my own wants, needs and moods to see what is going on with others?
• How would it hurt/help me to widen the possibilities behind others’ behavior?
The posture of “I’m very firm about my beliefs” is evidence of a selective perception about the information you are taking in. You select what supports your thinking and you ignore or forget possibilities that go against your beliefs. This is very restrictive and a biased way to view the world. We also select what we believe about others as well as ourselves.
Ask yourself:
• How is it helping me to assume I am always right about my evaluation of others or myself?
• What else could I be seeing and considering if I took in the broader picture?
One more thing: I always keep space in my schedule for coaching conversations with prospective clients. If you want help moving into a new relationship or environment, let’s have a conversation to see if I can help - no cost and no pressure. Could you benefit from a shift in perception? Contact me at leslie@trinitylifecoaching.net